belated women's day post

"People order each other to smile because they feel uncomfortable around people who are not smiling, especially when those people are women (or are read as such). Women are expected to be nice and sweet, to make other people feel comfortable. A woman who says ‘hey, I think there’s a problem here’ is being ‘negative.’ A woman who doesn’t smile while she’s being harassed is ‘humourless.’ A woman who prefers to stay focused on tasks is a ‘cold bitch.’ Significant gendering is involved here; women have an obligation to look and act a certain way and when they don’t, they need to be hassled until they do."


I think it's really unfair the way women are treated as objects, as much we say it doesn't happen. I feel especially at work, when we're in a lower position we get treated horribly. As a server for weddings and events and such, I feel like my main job is to smile and look pretty. Although I've never been touched by a customer, the old men give you the weird looks and say things like, "hey, doll, get me a beer." It's just like, they would never say anything like that to a boy. And the way commands like that are phrased, it just brings up the idea of the woman being subordinate, and the little nicknames that men seem to think don't mean anything, like "babe," "sweetheart," and "doll," are actually kind of demeaning and make me feel like a sex object. I want to be treated with just as much respect as my male counterpart. Don't use some outdated phrase like that to get my attention. Say "waiter" or "waitress," or "ma'am" even, I don't care. Because I'm not your "doll," and I never will be.

Meal Plan for 1/29/12-2/4/12

This is my general meal plan for this week. I need to cleanse, because I ate really bad these last few days with a lot of processed foods, some fried food, and a lot of chocolate! I need to slow it down. My recommended points for Weight Watchers are about 30 a day, so not every day adds up to that but that accounts for a little honey in my tea, more points in salad dressing than i expect, or having a small snack (cookies & bars are about 2-3 points each, as is a cup or so of milk). Hopefully I can drop another 2-6 pounds this week! Let's hope i start to see results, because Ted comes to visit on February 11th!

Sunday - need to cleanse & eat less b/c of bad weekend!

Breakfast: Greek yogurt & 24 almonds (6-8 points), lemon herb tea; Lunch: pita w/ f.f. feta cheese, marinara & veggies (about 5points) & some green tea; dinner: cinnamon popcorn, protein shake (8 points)

Monday - busy day of classes

breakfast: lemon herb tea & oatmeal (7points); lunch: salad w/ feta cheese & some chips (8); dinner: grilled cheese w/ lots of veggies (14)

Tuesday - exercise day

breakfast: greek yogurt & fruit & toast & lemon tea (5); lunch: turkey bacon BLT (8); dinner: salad & baked potato (7)

Wednesday - really stressful day

breakfast: fruit smoothie w/yogurt (4); lunch/snacks: protein shake, almonds, & string cheese & celery (12); dinner/snack: cinnamon popcorn, brie & crackers (7)

Thursday - yoga day

breakfast: oatmeal & banana, tea (7); lunch: salad, brie, crackers, apple (7); dinner: whole wheat linguine w/marinara & parmesan & spinach (10)

Friday - work out day

breakfast: greek yogurt w/ fruit, lemon tea (4); lunch: 2 pitas w/ f.f. feta & veggies & string cheese & apple (8); Dinner: veggie burger w/ cheese (10)

Saturday - chores day

 breakfast: omelet w/ feta & spinach & toast & tea (11); lunch: quesadilla w/ veggies (7); dinner: salad, brie, crackers, & popcorn (10)

Spring Semester & Beginning My Weightloss Journey

Hello, blog world! I apologize again for not posting very much. I really took a break from normal life over the winter break. Now, I am back at UWM and a week into the semester. I have a great schedule this semester that I hope will be really fun, and I know that it will give me a broader understanding of a lot of my favorite topics. My classes are: Anthropology 150: Multicultural America (looking at history of race & racism in America focusing on African-Americans, Latinos, Native Americans, and Asian-Americans), English 205: Business Writing (learning how to write business documents, memos, reports etc. & the professor is awesome & funny!), Psychology 205: Personality (basic psychology of personality from all the psychological perspectives & my professor is really hot!), Math 105: Intermediate Algebra (don't judge..I got a C- last semester and need a C to move on to Calculus!), Music 102: American Popular Music (really boring professor, but interesting topic obviously! It focuses on rock music especially), and finally Geography 125: Intro to Environmental Geography (this is my favorite, we cover really modern topics & my service learning assignment is so much fun & so educational!!). This is 18 credits, but I think I can handle it! I hope to improve my GPA from last semester, which ended up at 2.6 :(

Now, right before Thanksgiving last semester, I had a long talk with my boyfriend about my weight gain. When we started dating, I was 14 and probably weighed less than 130 pounds (same height)

I realize this is a terrible cell phone pic, but this was about how 

thin I was in 2008

This picture, from prom 2010 shows how much I had gained since 2008. I had gained a stomach, fat arms, and love handles.

This picture is from my grad party in june 2011. i had grown considerably since junior prom.

This picture was taken over break for New Years. I think you can see this is my worst weight...I probably weigh between 190-200 lbs here...

 I started to gain weight for a number of reasons, like eating out with him about 10x more than I ate out before. Also, when I got a job at the mall & had my license, I would get fast food ALL the time, and especially at about 10pm after I had gone from school (ending at 3:05) to work (at 3:30) and not eaten anything nutritious. I would be starving and just stop by McDonald's and get 2 McChickens, fries, and a non-diet soda (at that point, who gave a fuck?). I don't know how much I gained, probably about 30 pounds from the time we started dating to then, which was about my senior year of high school. Then I spent the summer eating whatever I wanted, eating really unhealthy at home (I started buying groceries for my family because my mom was really busy), and drinking, a LOT. Oh, and I also started working at a Mexican restaurant which gave me a free meal as part of my pay, every Wednesday night and then starting in about April or something also every Friday. So I ate quesadillas, spinach dip, chips and salsa, and fried fish every week. As you can imagine, the summer after my senior year I gained a ton of weight. I had a plan to eat really healthy once I got to school, and work out, too! I said "instead of gaining the freshman 15, I'm going to lose it!" Yeah, that didn't work out. I ate huge amounts of goldfish crackers, candy, and mozzarella sticks. The school does a GREAT job of providing fried foods almost all day. And I also bought chocolate milk, baked goods, and chips allllll the time and the "Empo." So I think it's safe to say I gained about 20 lbs once I moved into the dorms.

One night in November, I brought up the subject of getting engaged to my boyfriend. I had been fantasizing about weddings all summer, once I discovered the "weddings" section on StumbleUpon and all the amazing wedding blogs out there! Anyway, we have been dating for about 3 1/2 years or so, and so after talking with my BFF about wanting to get married, I decided to tell him how I felt about our future. He isn't exactly on the same page as me, but he said he does want a future with me, but needs to time to figure out what he wants for himself...whatever that means. But I know I'll get him. But then he pulled this on me (we were talking on fb chat, btw bc we are long distance): "as long as we're getting things off our chest.. well i don't want you to get mad but don't you think you've let yourself go a little bit?"

Yeah, I know. I was in shock...it took me about 10 minutes to respond to him. I felt like complete shit. It's not like he was wrong, I totally did let myself go from what I looked like in the past, and I admit I used to be really hot, and I had become this 190 lb disgusting pale person. I had just given up, and thought that I least I had big boobs, so I could still be attractive. Although the grossest thing are the stretchmarks. They are so disgusting. And I am naturally really pale, so they show up all too well. I really do hate my body. Yeah, I have huge boobs, but they sag and I am only 18. and yeah, curves are sexy, but not the downward curve of my stomach hanging down. it's gross. My arms are flabby and look horrible in every kind of sleeve. The "spare tire" thing I used to make fun of on other girls was now a part of my body. I had a double chin. I had gross cottage cheese thighs. I know this all, but still, to think that the one person you love more than anything in the world sees the gross things that you think you are doing a good job of hiding...yeah, it sucks. I cried so much that night. and I have since then. It just hurts so much that he doesn't love my body or love me for who I am. I get it, I don't love my body or the way I am...but I thought that someone did. I was wrong. So that week, I really restricted my calories. I made this huge excel spreadsheet of all my calories for all my meals. Literally, the first day I ate one meal. But that week was thanksgiving...so that didn't go so well. I really did try to diet for the first couple of weeks, but then it was winter break, and Christmas...things just got out of hand. But then, during a fight about something else, Ted brought up the fact that I wasn't even trying to lose weight anymore. So I had a doctors appointment (unrelated) and she recommended Weight Watchers as a starting point. She said that if I couldn't lose weight with 2 hours of elevated heart rate exercise and reduced calorie diet, she would prescribe some weight loss aids.

So, I started the Weight Watchers Online program on January 14th. As of today (2 weeks) I have lost about 7.5 pounds (started out fluctuating daily from 191-192 and weighed in about 185 tonight). That's pretty good, I guess. I know that it could be more. Yesterday, I weighed in at 177.5 pounds. But these last few days I have been overeating. Monday-Wednesday are really structured for me, class-wise, so I can plan my meals a little better & go to bed early. But this weekend I stayed up really late and started boredom eating, and also I really miss Teddy (even though it's only been a week) and he hasn't been giving me the attention that I want. Also neither has my mom. I try to talk to her and she is always busy and it's really annoying. I am really lonely when I'm at school. My two suitemates really click, and I don't really fit in. And since I was back-stabbed by my best friend in the beginning of the school year, I don't have anyone here that I'm close to. I have a lot of acquaintances and there is someone in every class that I talk to every day, but I have no true friends. It's really depressing to me. So obviously I really miss my family while I'm here. And it seems like no one misses me. It just really hurts. Especially when Ted is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, and he doesn't reach out to me when I'm upset. I get that he works, and has a social life outside of our relationship, which I obviously want for him, but a few supporting texts or IM's wouldn't hurt. and I understand that my mom is busy, and that this is the stage in my life that I'm supposed to be getting all independent and what not, but I still really crave attention and it feels like she doesn't mind that I'm gone anymore. All these feelings lead me to emotional eating. I ordered a book on how to detach from food and decode your emotional eating. It was supposed to arrive from Amazon today, so I'm expecting it this week. Hopefully it will have some good insights for me.

So basically my plan to continue losing weight is to limit my snacking between meals on most days, and try to plan better for stressful days (Mondays & Wednesdays for me). I am also forcing myself to stop eating after 7pm on most days, with exceptions for Wednesdays when I don't really have time to eat between 4pm-8:15pm. I am also trying to add in at least one "negative-calorie" food every day. These foods include things like cinnamon, lemon tea, celery, chili pepper, lettuce, carrots, and oranges. I also joined a yoga class that meets 5:15-6:30pm on Tuesdays & Thursdays. I tried out yoga last summer with my mom. We had classes every Tuesday for 1 hour from the middle of June through July. So I know a little bit about what I'm doing, but not much. I want to do this to really tone up my stomach, arms, and core in general. I want to have a sexy back. It might sound weird, but fat girls know what I'm talking about. I think that the neck/collarbone/shoulders & back are the sexiest parts of a woman. Right now, my back has rolls and love handles. I want my back dimples to look sexy, and I want a low-back top to look hot. Also, love handles are the root of all evil. Why is fat stored that way?! And I also found out that fat above your hips is the most dangerous for your health. It means you have visceral fat, which is surrounding your major organs :( also, it can be a key factor for factors for heart disease, which runs in my family (my dad's side is from Kentucky...and it shows). Also, I want to be able to run and not breathe like a rapist. Seriously, even walking up a hill to class or walking fast after my 815pm class, I get short of breath. It's embarrassing to be 18 and have that problem. So I am following tips on a bunch of different blogs and on the Weight Watchers website on how to get into running. the only problem: I left my awesome Nike running shoes at home...:/ So I won't have them here until February 11th, when Ted comes to visit. But when I finally get them, I will start out with walking/jogging, and phasing into full running after about 4-6 weeks. I think cardio is the key to fat loss. So hopefully that will help with the fat loss, while the yoga will tone up my problem areas. I also have the Wii Fit here in my dorm. I haven't set it up yet, but I have used it in the past and you can really break a sweat with some of the games! I especially like the kung fu & the hula hoop games!

I will post on here, mostly for myself though. I really want to be held accountable for my weight loss. I don't really have someone to talk to about it because my mom loses weight really easily and rarely eats. She has a completely different relationship with food than I do. Also, Teddy can eat anything and everything that he wants to eat and not gain a pound. He kind of has some moobs coming in, but they're not noticeable until he's on top of me...so yeah...not a big problem at this point. But mark my words...one day his metabolism will slow down & he'll have to give up Thickburger Thursdays & Buffalo Wild Wings. I can't wait for that day (mean, I know). Anyway, I'll post my weekly (sunday) weigh-ins, along with other problems/progress, what I've been eating, and stuff of that nature. As well as regular blog posts!

Thanks for reading.

xoxo, Rylee

College Life Thus Far.

I moved in to the dorms here at UWM on August 27th, 2011. It was a very different experience. The longest I've ever spent away from home is 2 weeks. That wasn't the part I wasn't prepared for, though. It's a very weird feeling to not have your same group of friends around you, and the people you meet won't all necessarily have your best interests in mind. I learned some really hard lessons in my first month here. I won't really go into detail, because it's petty, stupid, ridiculous..etc. So long story short I am now living in a single bedroom! My dorm room is great. To be honest, I almost prefer it to my room at home now. It's not too small for me, and everything has its place. I was provided with all the furniture I needed, and it actually all works pretty well in here. I love how I've decorated, too :).
Classes have been challenging, but I'm liking it so far. Here is my schedule.

My math 105 class is basically Advanced Algebra. My professor is Lawrence Schultz and I highly recommend him! I believe he also teaches Calculus (math 211) so I will try to get him next time, too. Econ 103 is Microeconomics. It has been okay, I guess, but not my favorite. The class is a huge lecture in the biggest lecture hall on campus, and I believe that the original number of students is somewhere around 400 or 500. Business Administration 230 is Information Systems Management. It's the most boring class I've ever taken. I hate it. I don't go to the lectures anymore because he literally uses the powerpoint that comes with the text book, and doesn't really add anything I didn't know myself. English 192 is actually my favorite class. I wouldn't consider a normal English class because it's a seminar, so we don't have lectures. The subtitle is "Multicultural Milwaukee." I have learned so much about the city and different groups that have lived here since the 1800s! I am so glad I'm taking it because I've gotten the history of the city, and the set up of the class allows me to hear opinions from other students who have grown up here. It's been a great experience. Then my Communications class is basically preparing you for any public speaking role you might have in the world of business. I'm not really a fan because in general I don't like public speaking, but I definitely recommend night classes, especially for traditional students/freshman. It's great to get a different perspective from adult students, and having the class one night a week really freed up my schedule in the mornings so I could take all the classes I needed to. Ed Psy 101 is a class that's been helping me find out what my major should be. It's titled "Foundations of Academic Success." It has been somewhat helpful in showing us ways to research careers and majors, but it is pretty redundant and a lot of the activities have been really stupid and not relevant to me. Overall, OK experience. I just want to get away from the required classes and into something fun. I will be pursuing the BBA in Human Resources Management, with a certificate in Cultures & Communities. Luckily for me, I am taking most of my C&C classes next semester, so they will be more interesting. I've also thought about doing Psychology as a minor. But, I'm not sure. We'll see how it goes. My grades are around B's, with one high A and one C. I'm a little worried about some of my classes because attendance has been an issue, but hopefully I will pass with C's in everything so I don't have to retake any classes. 

Food here has been a little interesting for me. I am a really picky eater, and along with that I don't eat any red meat. I'm also really picky about my fish as well. This really limits my choices. But let's be honest, how many people are comfortable eating "meat" from a cafeteria? I will admit that UWM does try pretty hard to have good choices, including organic, local, or vegan choices. The pastas are pretty good except that they're drowning in oil/butter all the time, and THEN they put on a sauce. I know that they have to do it that way to keep them from sticking together in the larger serving thing, but it's gross to see a pool of fatty liquid on my plate. I also really like the "grill" section. The chicken sandwich isn't a patty! It's really a chicken breast, and the bacon they use on the sandwich is amazing, so much better than what they serve for breakfast! They also have a pretty decent veggie burger. I used to be in love with the mozzarella sticks, too, but they got old after the first month. I have tried to eat at the cafeteria less & less. The neighborhood has some great options for food, so I've been trying to eat out more & also grocery shop at the local places. I never had a Sendik's market in neighborhood before, and now I have two! It's great.

Riverfest 2011

If you aren't from Watertown or the surrounding area, you have probably never heard of this. It is a weekend festival here that happens at Riverside Park. There are midway rides & games, sampling of Watertown's finest food, C list music performances, and a craft fair. It's definitely not as great as Summerfest, by any means, but it is more similar to a county fair, minus the animals. By far the highlight of the festival is the fireworks show. This year, they will be held on Saturday night at 10pm. Because I live only a few shorts blocks away, I will be visiting the fest a few times this weekend & will let you know how it went!

Okay, so Riverfest was terrible. As usual, it was just like a big high school reunion for everyone who is still here. It was also an excuse to get disgustingly drunk. The food was okay, but if you live in town it's really nothing special as you can get it anytime. Funnel cake was good!

My first tat!

It was recently my 18th birthday (which was awesome), so of course I got my first tattoo!

It says "Let it be" I did get the quote from the infamous Beatles song, but it also is a reminder to me to be calm & go with the flow, which is something I sometimes forget to do. It cost $50 at Evolution Ink & Piercing in Watertown, WI. It was done by Aaron, who is awesome! He made everything super easy & is also really funny. I love it!

Warped Tour 2011

Sorry that it took so long to post! Last week, Tuesday July 19th, was Vans Warped Tour in Milwaukee. It was so hot! I slept over night at a friend's house in West Allis, and got to the Summerfest grounds at about 10 am. We hung out by the front gates for about an hour until they opened. For those who have never been to Warped, there are so many guys out there selling their CDs. They know that people get there early, so they walk around with headphones & CD's and ask you to listen to their band & buy a Cd, usually for only 5 or ten dollars. I tried not to give in, because seriously you can't make a decision on a band by listening to one tiny part of a song! But I did end up buying a $10 Ken Pratten Cd because it came with unlimited ice water refills at their tent. The music is okay...like I said, one song does not prepare you for a whole album. I don't want to trash the guy, it's just not my cup of tea. We hung around the Teggart mainstage all day, because Paramore played there at 8 pm. The bands that we kind of listened to there were Attack Attack, August Burns Red, Asking Alexandria, Less Than Jake, 3OH3!, The Devil Wears Prada, A Day to Remember, & Pepper! It was pretty awesome, although I have never been to a hardcore show & was a little scared by all the fans! Some people are just crazy. My friend & I got really hurt during some of the shows, especially Asking Alexandria. We were in the front trying to save ourselves a good spot for Paramore & the real fans of that band were just so rude to us. They were pushing and because we were against the fence, we got really hurt! My friend had to go to the medical tent & get oxygen. So we tried to stay out of there after that. I got a purple Paramore tank top at the merch tent. I also got a pipe for only $10 and a lot of free crap from people. All in all it was a pretty good day, just super hot. It was the week of a major heat wave in southern Wisconsin. Less than Jake was pretty good. They brought a kid up on stage & gave him a mohawk! it was hilarious. He was just some nerdy kid & then they brought up some random girl and made them kiss on stage! haha. Pepper was good too. They are so hot! and they did a lot with the crowd, too. Then, PARAMORE<3. They opened with "that's what you get" and Hayley was so cute! she was wearing pants by Tripp NYC that are one leg white & one black, with dark cherry doc martens & a Ramones shirt. They played a short show, but it was great: After That's what you get, they played "for a pessimist i'm pretty optimistic," "careful," "looking up," "here we go again," "pressure," "ignorance," "monster," and "misery business." I thought it was a great sample of all their best songs, although i would have loved to hear playing god & misguided ghosts & crushcrushcrush, too. for anyone who was there, i was right in the 2nd row, in front of jeremy, stage right. the girl in front of me was the one who Hayley picked to come up on stage & sing misery business with her!!! that's how close i was. the girl next to me was really fucking annoying. i think she was like 13, and had a touchy boyfriend and she wouldn't shut the fuck up about how excited she was. It's like, yes, Paramore is awesome, but you are not, so please stop talking. she was like screaming and shit. ughhh. and then she made us help her hold up a sign that spelled out paramore & had pics of the band filling it in. i should have kept my letter!! i wish i hadnt given it back. I don't have the pictures yet, because they're on my friends camera, but i did take this short video of the opening on my phone. see it here. I will try to put up pics as soon as I can!